Conflict and Policies

Jun. 13th, 2025 07:56 pm
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[personal profile] pennswoods
I am the president of a European-based organization that focuses on collaborative projects between classes/groups of people in different countries and contexts, Our membership includes Israeli academics and Palestinian academics, the latter of which are often based outside of Palestine and in Jordan, Canada, the US.

In January, a member of our training team received an email criticizing her involvement in a panel that included a researcher from an Israeli university that has ties to the IDF. The email was from a Palestinian-American based in California who had spoken at a webinar on decoloniality hosted by our orginization but is herself not a member of our organization. The criticized member of our organization requested that we have an explicit policy regarding organization members collaborating with or being involved with Israeli organizations. The outcome of our discussion and vote was that individual members are free to choose who they partner with but when members are representing the organization that the management board vet the collaboration in cases of uncertainty or conflict to ensure the partnership aligns with our values.

Initially the question was targeted at Israel (i.e. whether we should collaborate with Israeli institutions) but some on the management board (including me) argued that this is too country specific and there may be other countries (like the US) that are similarly violating organizational values and we don't want to have to come up with a new policy for every country. Although not everyone supported this position (some wanted an explicit anti-Israel stance and others wanted to remain entirely neutral) this decision was passed by a majority vote.

Now I have been contacted by the editors of our journal who want to know what our policy is regarding journal editors having explicit political statements in their email signature. I believe this pertains to one of our journal's associate editors who is a Palestinian-Jordanian PhD student in Canada having an explicit pro-Palestinian signature in her university email, which is the email she uses for correspondence for the journal. I have asked the editor to submit this to the management board to discuss. 

However, on a personal level, I'm really tired and annoyed by people wanting a policy forbidding involvement with or explicit support of countries in conflict. I can understand this on an abstract level, but on a visceral level and because I am in a country where these specific countries and positions are being used by bad actors, I do not want to indulge the banning of any of them. It is possible the email signature promotes genocide, but that is a step beyond being political (which is what the journal editors were worried about). To educate is to be political and all of us in the organization are in the business of promoting internationalization and global citizenship. So banning political signatures seems to really misunderstand what the hell we're doing. 

At the same time, I question my own thinking on this. I do not want to abandon our Israeli colleagues, many of whom despise what their government is doing and are advocating for peace and support for Gaza. I also do not want to tell people who are facing the obliteration of their people and culture to tone down their email signature - what the ever-living fuck!

The good thing out of this is that it is making me aware of my values on some level, but it is also making me question whether my values are right in this situation.

Two Boats and a Helicopter

Jun. 11th, 2025 11:00 am
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[personal profile] pennswoods
The story about God sending two boats and a helicopter to save a man during a flood is one I one I heard a lot growing up is on my mind today. 

A friend from Dublin reached out with information from his uni called the Global Talent Program designed to target the recruitment of outstanding international researchers in areas including digital technologies and AI (which is a possible fit for my research). He asked if my husband and I had ever considered moving to Ireland...

I shared that I had thought about moving back to Sweden but I know that will be a struggle and perhaps there are no jobs for me and my husband. And also that I don't think my husband would flourish outside the US. He is happy here - despite the growing authoritarianism. He hasn't given up on the US and wants to stay and fight and support the systems that are here. I told my friend that if I were a younger scholar in an earlier stage of my career and if I had children, I might feel different. Right now I feel that there is not enough life left ahead of me to make this move worthwhile (in many parts of Europe I would only be able to work a maximum of 12-14 more years before mandatory retirement) and I don't know if I feel right taking an job away from a younger or more local person who has not had the opportunities in life that I have already had. 

He understood and told me to let him know if I knew of any colleagues where making a move would make sense. If that includes any of you, let me know (this is Trinity College, btw). 





Anyway, I'm not sure if this is one of the boats or helicopters that I am going to regret not taking or if I am just wallowing in doomerism.

An Anti-Acknowledgement

Jun. 9th, 2025 11:25 pm
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[personal profile] pennswoods
At this latest conference, a number of people were asking me about the status of my book and I confessed that it had not come along as quickly as I hoped because real-world things keep happening that were forcing me to reconsider or grapple with what I had planned to write: the proliferation of Gen AI, policies and laws limiting access to social media, Trump and his bullshit, and JK Rowling and hers.

One of my colleagues suggested that I write this somewhere in my book. I decided this was a good idea and added it to the acknowledgements section as a way to acknowledge the things that hindered the writing before I acknowledge all the people who have helped me along the way. Below is a draft of this anti-acknowledgement:



Read more... )

Absolute Meltdown - I am so ashamed

Jun. 3rd, 2025 01:57 pm
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[personal profile] pennswoods
I had a literal meltdown at the conference last week and I am still full of shame about it. I shared the drama-rich story with my husband earlier today, but I am not sure how to put it in writing. I cringe with mortification thinking about how I acted and what I said to a friend who was trying to help me through it. I thought I was better than this, but no. At 52 years old, I still lose my shit in an embarrassing way when I feel stressed and emotionally overwhelmed over the most basic parts of my job. I think I apologized to my friend, but I am afraid I didn't do it entirely well. I shudder remembering a later interaction with her where I got emotional (not at her but in the telling of a story) and she covered her head and said in a desperate voice "Stop yelling at me."  I yelled at her too when I was having my meltdown and she was just trying to help me. That is who I am to my friend - someone who yells at her. 

I'm so ashamed.

Tomorrow I have therapy and I need to talk about this. I think these meltdowns happen when I am triggered. I think there are things that kick in my fight/flight response so hard that I cannot process any other input in a reasonable way until I let it out/explode and I need to find a way to identify these triggers and to step away before I explode publicly. And if I cannot step away because there is nowhere to go and well-intentioned people are following me in an effort to help, I need to find ways to ask for space in a firm but non-explosive way. And I need to practice, practice, practice this so I don't do this shit again. 

I used to think this was because of alcohol and this is one reason why I would take time off from drinking for a month at a time. I believed the alcohol in my system was leading me to anger too easily.  But while alcohol does lead to a lowering of inhibition, my meltdowns can happen when I am not drinking. They are being triggered by other things. My husband sees them all the time and I think they have become so normalized that I don't realize how toxic they are.

I really need to apologize to my friend. 

November 2016

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